I have come to the realization that so many of the goals that I had set, and some of the achievements I had hoped to reach have somehow slipped away. I’m not exactly sure why this has happened. Perhaps it’s a combination of being content along with some bouts of laziness, and life just sneaking up on me like a stranger in a dark night. It’s kind of upsetting to set out to accomplish something, only to let it quickly fizzle and fall so abruptly from the mind. I don’t know how to fix this, other than to get better at setting my mind to something and not quit until I have accomplished it. I understand that it takes commitment, perseverance, and a mind strong enough to push through it on days that I don’t feel like doing it. I know how difficult it can be, but unless something in me changes, nothing on the outside will change either.
One thing I know is that during my time of grief, I will hopefully learn to draw strength from my dad’s words, and learn that stalled goals do not necessarily mean failed goals.
Refusing to Blame Grief for Inaction
I’m not going to make the excuse that my Dad’s passing is a reason that I have become so stagnant, because I feel as though I was falling into a rut even before that. It’s so easy at times to fall quickly out of a routine, like going to the gym, and before you know it, the days and week has passed and I find myself saying, “I will start back up on Monday.” It seems to be this vicious cycle that has been hovering right behind me, stalking me, and pushing me further into the quicksand. Yes, this type of lazy behavior is something that had been gripping me well before the news of my Dad sent me into a whirlwind and this foggy-mined state that I find myself in right now. However, there has to be something deeper down that tells me to ‘turn a negative into a positive,’ and pull myself out of this and into something bigger than myself.
Trying to Bounce Forward
I’m currently reading a book called Option B by Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant, that focuses on dealing with life after the loss of a loved one. It’s hard to believe that I find myself reading this, and somehow finding comfort in the word of the doctors. It’s a book I wish I never had to read, but a book that I feel I must. I’m not quite done with it yet, but I just read through a chapter where the author talks about something called the “bounce forward effect.” While some people find themselves bouncing back, following a tragic moment or the loss of a loved one, there are some that actually use that hardship to accelerate their achievements and their drive. My dad always talked about turning negatives into positives, so I see this bounce forward effect as being quite similar. I hope in the days, weeks, and months ahead I can find myself building the courage and the motivation to be better than I was before. One thing I know is that during my time of grief, I will hopefully learn to draw strength from my dad’s words, and learn that stalled goals do not necessarily mean failed goals.